But the children struggled in her womb, and she said, “If so, why do I exist?” (Genesis 25:22)
Rebecca’s reaction to her pregnancy seems a bit disproportionate. With all of the short-term difficulties, pregnancy is the only way to bring children into the world – to create a family and a sense of continuity over generations – and it will end at its appropriate time with birth. So Rivka’s question: “If so, why do I exist?” appears to be almost heresy.
The midrashim made no attempt to soften her words by suggesting that they were meant allegorically or as a metaphor. They describe the situation as it was – Rebecca is repelled by her pregnancy:
She said: “If so, why do I exist?”
Rabbi Yitzchak said: This teaches that our matriarch Rebecca went to the homes of many women,
And she said to them “Did you suffer such pains in your lives?”
If bringing children into the world is this painful, if only I had never become pregnant!
(Genesis Rabbah)
According to this midrash, Rebecca carried out a survey amongst her friends in order to clarify whether the pains that she was suffering were part of a normal pregnancy. We are not informed by the midrash of the friends’ responses, but Rebecca’s conclusion is clear: “if only I had never become pregnant!” A different midrash expresses her idea slightly differently: “Had I known how painful pregnancy would be, I would never have prayed to become pregnant.” Rebecca recognized that she had only herself to blame, for had she refrained from prayer she would have remained barren and would have saved herself all of this suffering.
Both of these explanations suggest that Rebecca wishes that she could return to a moment that has passed, to a time when she felt she had control over her life. To a time when she would have done something different if only she knew what lay in the future.
It is not uncommon for people to feel that they missed an opportunity to change their lives. At times of tragedy we often feel a sense of guilt and frustration – had we only known, we could have done otherwise!
The Gemara in Yevamot describes how Rabbi Hiyya’s wife, Yehudit suffered terrible pain while giving birth. Fearing another pregnancy, Yehudit disguises herself and asks her husband a question of Jewish law.
She said: Is a woman commanded to be fruitful and multiply?
He said to her: No.
She went and drank an infertility potion.
Eventually the matter was revealed, and Rabbi Ḥiyya found out about what Yehudit had done. He said to her: If only you had given birth to one more belly for me, i.e., another set of twins. As the Master said: Yehuda and Ḥizkiyya were twin brothers and became prominent Torah scholars.
(Bavli Yevamot 65b)
Upon learning what she had done, Rabbi Hiyya’s prayer was: “If only the potion won’t work, and you will bear for me another set of twins,” for it was known that Yehudit, who had already given birth to both twin girls and twin boys – Yehuda and Ḥizkiyya – would likely have given birth to another set of twins.
This story appears to be the mirror image of Rebecca’s story. Both Rebecca and Yehudit give birth to twins (which may help explain the unusual pain and difficulty involved with their pregnancies). Rebecca missed her opportunity to avoid pregnancy; Yehudit took advantage of that possibility. In the Yehudit story, her husband’s prayer aimed to undo the effects of the infertility potion, while in the Rebecca story, it is the prayer that led to the pregnancy. Rabbi Hiyya’s prayer helps us understand the enormity of missing out on the possibility of bearing children. From Rebecca and Yehudit we understand the magnitude of the pain and suffering that childbirth can bring. Both of them go to seek the counsel of God.
The impossible predicament that is presented by these two stories clarifies for us that these are not really questions about Rebecca or Yehudit, rather these are existential questions more fundamental than the question of suffering and pregnancy.
The question is whether to make an effort that appears to be beyond our ability. To choose the difficult path in order to realize lofty goals; to choose combat service, a taxing academic track, challenging hikes and trips – or to choose the opposite – easier and more relaxed routes, those that do not require tremendous effort and do not require someone to push themselves to the limit. Both possibilities come at a price and can influence the future direction of one’s life.
When Rebecca asks: “If so, why do I exist?” we can read it in one of two ways. One way is to follow in the path of the midrashim – despair and frustration from the challenging course that was taken. But there is another option, that looks at this from the opposite perspective. Perhaps she means to say: “were they not struggling, what purpose would my life have?”
On another level, the struggling brothers in Rebecca's womb remind us of the internal struggle between the good inclination and the evil inclination. Every person has “twins” within him – one is enthusiastic about the Beit Midrash while the other is excited by idolatry. This internal struggle may lead to despair, but this struggle is also the reality of life and what gives it meaning: “She went to inquire of the LORD.”
