The Torah in Parashat Vayigash tells of Yaakov’s meeting with Pharaoh after moving to Egypt. We read that upon seeing Yaakov, Pharaoh inquired about his age, to which Yaakov responded that he was one hundred and thirty years old, adding, “few and bad have the years of my life been, and they did not reach the years of the lives of my fathers…” (47:9).
The Tosafists, in Da’at Zekeinim, explain that Pharaoh posed this question to Yaakov because of Yaakov’s appearance. Yaakov looked especially old and worn, and Pharaoh was thus curious as to his age. In response, Yaakov explained to the king that although he was not as old as his forebears lived to be, he looked aged and frail because of the numerous difficulties he encountered over the course of his life. Da’at Zekeinim then proceeds to cite a well-known Midrashic passage in which Chazal are critical of Yaakov for describing his life as difficult: “At the time when Yaakov said, ‘Few and bad,’ the Almighty said to him, ‘I rescued you from Esav and Lavan, and I returned Dina to you; you are complaining about your life?!” The Midrash concludes that God punished Yaakov for uttering these words of complaint by ending his life at the age of 147, thirty-three years before he reached the age at which his father, Yitzchak, had died.
We might raise the question of how to reconcile the Midrash’s comments with Da’at Zekeinim’s explanation of this exchange. Da’at Zekeinim does not appear to present the Midrash as reflecting a different reading, and it thus seems that it can be read in conjunction with, and not as opposing, its explanation. If, as Da’at Zekeinim claims, Pharaoh was asking Yaakov to explain his exceptionally aged appearance, then why was it wrong for Yaakov to speak of his years of hardship and sorrow? Wasn’t this the correct answer to Pharaoh’s question? Can we criticize Yaakov for giving an accurate explanation for why he looked so frail and worn?
Rav Chaim Elazary, in his Mesilot Chayim, suggests that even though Yaakov was correct in pointing to his travails as the reason for his appearance, he was nevertheless to have added a word – or several or many words – of gratitude for the many blessings he enjoyed. It is not necessarily wrong to bemoan one’s hardships, but such expressions of grief must be offset by expressions of appreciation. We all both enjoy blessings and endure difficult challenges. There is no person whose life is perfect and filled with only joy, and there is no person who only suffers and has nothing for which to be grateful. Even when we have good reason to speak of our lives as “me’at ve-ra’im,” and to take note of the difficulties and hardships we have suffered, we must also take note of the blessings which we enjoy. And thus although Yaakov was justified in explaining to Pharaoh the reason for his frail appearance, Chazalcriticize him for failing to add an expression of gratitude for all that the Almighty had done for him.