Even as Yosef’s emotions welled up, he had the presence of mind and sufficient control to ask his men to leave the room. At this dramatic moment, Yosef did not lose himself in his emotions, and still thought clearly and made his decisions in a sound, rational manner.
The Torah introduces the dramatic story of Yosef’s revelation of his identity to his brothers by saying, “Yosef could no longer contain himself in the presence of all those standing near him, and he said: Everyone leave my presence” (45:1). Rashi explains the phrase “ve-lo yakhol Yosef le-hit’apaeik” to mean that Yosef could not bear to see his brothers’ shame when he revealed his identity to them in the presence of other people, and for this reason he instructed his men to leave. According to this interpretation, the phrase “ve-lo yakhol Yosef le-hit’apaeik” provides the background to Yosef’s decision to send his servants away, and not to the decision to reveal himself to his brothers. The latter decision had nothing to do with a loss of control or overflowing of emotions. Yosef made the rational, clear-minded decision to reveal his identity at that time, but he couldn’t bear to do it in the presence of the Egyptian servants standing in the room.
This approach, however, seems to require a forced reading of the word “le-hit’apeik,” which generally denotes control and restraint, and is even used earlier in the narrative (43:31) in describing Yosef’s efforts to control his emotions which welled up upon seeing his brother Binyamin. It seems more likely that this phrase refers to Yosef’s inability to control his emotions any further, after hearing Yehuda’s impassioned plea on behalf of Binyamin and his description of the pain Yaakov would experience if Binyamin did not return. Accordingly, Ibn Ezra explains that Yosef realized he would not be able to restrain his emotions until the people in the room left, and so he issued an order that everyone immediately leave. Recognizing his emotions were about to overcome him – and, indeed, the next verse tells, “He let out his voice in crying; Egypt heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard” – Yosef immediately had everybody leave so he could speak to his brothers in private.
According to either interpretation, we might learn from this episode that strong emotions are not an excuse for embarrassing or inappropriate behavior. Even as Yosef’s emotions welled up, he had the presence of mind and sufficient control to ask his men to leave the room. At this dramatic moment, Yosef did not lose himself in his emotions, and still thought clearly and made his decisions in a sound, rational manner. Emotions are a vitally important part of our lives, but we must train ourselves to keep them in check for the sake of maintaining dignity and propriety. Even when we feel angry, frustrated, aggravated or anxious, we must make every effort to express those feelings in an appropriate and controlled manner, rather than allow them to compromise our standards of appropriate behavior.