Did Yosef relate to his brothers with arrogance, or with frienship? And would it have made a difference, one way or another?
Commenting on the story of mekhirat Yosef – Yosef’s sale into slavery – the Midrash (Bereishit Rabba 84) writes that when Yosef approached his brothers as they tended to their sheep, he came “be-kilus,” which literally means, “with praises.”
The Yefei To’ar commentary (cited in Torah Sheleima 139) suggests two diametrically opposite interpretations of the Midrash’s description of Yosef’s arrival. First, the Yefei To’ar writes that Yosef approached his brothers with a proud, arrogant demeanor, as he normally conducted himself around his brothers. The term “kilus” would thus refer to a kind of self-adulation with which Yosef carried himself. But the Yefei To’ar then suggests that to the contrary, the Midrash might refer specifically to Yosef’s amiability and pleasant demeanor: “He came with praise…that he praised his brothers and verbally extended them as a blessing…” According to this approach, Yosef came to his brothers with kind words of greeting and even praise, perhaps something to the effect of, “How nice it is to see you.”
This second reading perhaps underscores the tragic miscommunication and misunderstanding that may have fueled the brothers’ animosity toward Yosef. When the brothers saw Yosef approaching, they cynically remarked, “Here, the man of dreams is coming” (37:19). The Torah emphasizes that they made this comment upon seeing Yosef “from afar” (mei-rachok). Distance between two parties can result in mistaken perceptions and baseless suspicions about one another, and this might be precisely what happened as Yosef approached. From a distance, the brothers saw “the man of dreams,” an arrogant, egotistical adolescent who dreamt of asserting his authority over them. By the time Yosef approached and began speaking to them “be-kilus,” with friendship and respect, it was too late – they had already decided upon their hostile course of action.
Earlier, the Torah writes that Yosef’s brothers were unable “to speak with him peacefully” (37:4). This might mean that had they succeeded in somehow sitting with Yosef in a civil manner and befriending him, the tragedy of mekhirat Yosef might have been averted. If they had drawn closer to him, rather than pulling further and further away from him, they may have perhaps better understood his intentions and the reasons behind his perceived arrogance. Instead, they kept their distance and retained – and even nurtured – their negative perception, until they eventually reached the decision to eliminate their brother.