The Torah records in Parashat Vayetze a tense exchange between Yaakov and Rachel concerning the latter's inability to conceive. This exchange begins with Rachel turning to Yaakov to express her frustration: "Give me children, for otherwise I shall die!" (30:2). Yaakov angrily replies, "Am I in the position of God, who has withheld from you fruit of the womb?"
The Midrash (Bereishit Rabba 71) sharply criticizes Yaakov for his harsh response to his embittered wife: "The Almighty said to him [Yaakov]: Is this how one responds to those who are in anguish? By My life, your sons shall stand before her son!" While it is unclear how exactly the authority of Yosef (Rachel's son) over his brothers served as a punishment to Yaakov – Yosef was, after all, Yaakov's son, as well – the Midrash clearly disapproves of what it perceived to be Yaakov's insensitive reaction to Rachel's frustration.
At first glance, Yaakov's response to Rachel was a perfectly logical one. She spoke to him as if he were to blame for her infertility, as if this power lay in his hands: "Give me children." One can easily detect an element of accusation in Rachel's remark, casting upon her husband the responsibility for her inability to conceive in contrast to Leah's bearing by that point four sons. In response, Yaakov, quite reasonably, refuted the accusation, noting the obvious fact that it is God, not he, who holds the key to conception. Why does the Midrash react so harshly to Yaakov's response, asking, "Is this how one responds to those who are in aguish?"?
Rav Avraham Pam explained that an additional degree of patience and tolerance is required when responding to those experiencing pain. Rachel's comment was certainly irrational and unwarranted, but she spoke out of pain and anguish. In this context, a rational response is an insensitive response. Rachel did not require a theological discourse regarding the Almighty's exclusive power over childbearing; she was in desperate need of compassion and understanding.
This Midrash thus presents a basic but critical lesson that can – and must – be applied in everyday life. People experiencing pain, frustration or anxiety often say things that they later regret, words that they know to be untrue or illogical but emerge from the mouth in an emotional outburst. It is the responsibility of those to whom these words are directed to take them in context and respond with compassion and understanding, rather than pouring salt on the wound through anger and resentment, which can only intensify the feelings of pain. Such remarks must not be taken as a personal assault, but rather for what they are: an expression of frustration. Learning and applying this simple lesson, Rav Pam noted, could help avoid much of the tension and friction that often develop among family members and friends during stressful periods.