What kind of struggle took place between Yaakov and his “other self,” and why did that “other self” grow suspicious of Yaakov?
Parashat Vayishlach tells of Yaakov’s mysterious encounter with an unnamed “ish” (“man”), who wrestled with him through the night as he made his way back to
Earlier in Bereishit Rabba, however, the Midrash cites a description of this confrontation in the name of Rav Huna which appears to point us in a different direction:
He [the assailant] appeared to him [Yaakov] in the form of a shepherd. He had sheep, and he [Yaakov] had sheep; he had camels, and he [Yaakov] had camels. He said to him, “Bring yours through, and then I will bring mine through.” Our patriarch Yaakov brought his through, and he then turned around to see if perhaps he forgot something. Immediately, “A man wrestled with him.”
While this account is not entirely clear, it seems that the attacking angel appeared to Yaakov as a shepherd who, like Yaakov himself, was traveling with large herds of cattle. Apparently, the angel traveled in the opposite direction, and there was not enough room on the road for both to pass. The angel allowed Yaakov to bring his belongings across the road first, and when Yaakov finished bringing his possessions, he turned around to ensure that he had not forgotten anything. This aroused the angel’s suspicion, who thought that Yaakov may be trying to steal his possessions, and promptly attacked the patriarch.
What might be the underlying symbolism of this account? According to the conventional understanding of this incident, as mentioned earlier, Yaakov’s confrontation with the angel symbolizes Am Yisrael’s long but successful struggle against the “Esav’s” who wage war against them. But how might we understand the meaning of the account presented by Rav Huna, whereby the attacking angel appeared to Yaakov as a cattle-laden shepherd?
It seems clear that according to Rav Huna’s account, the assailant was not the angel of Esav, but rather than angel of Yaakov. Rav Huna emphasizes the fact that the mysterious assailant, like Yaakov, was a shepherd traveling with camels and sheep. In his view, Yaakov did not wrestle against an external enemy, but rather struggled with the enemy within, with himself.
What kind of struggle took place between Yaakov and his “other self,” and why did that “other self” grow suspicious of Yaakov?
Several different interpretations can be considered. One explanation, perhaps, is that the other shepherd represents Yaakov’s unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. We all live two different lives: the life that actually unfolds, and the life we long for and aspire to. Generally speaking, these identities remain separate throughout our lives. As Chazal famously reminded us, “A person does not die with half of his aspirations realized.” Even those who are fortunate to enjoy happy, successful and meaningful lives have in their minds a different person whom they wanted to be, but were unable to become. As in the case with Yaakov and his assailant, there is not enough room for both people to pass through. The natural limitations of life force us to pass through it with only ourselves, and to leave behind the person whom we ideally want to be.
For the most part, that other person graciously allows our real self to pass through peacefully. At one point or another, we all accept our limitations and live with a general sense of ease, recognizing that we cannot achieve all our ambitions. On some occasions, however, our “other self” feels envious, and launches an assault. It feels threatened by our real, pragmatic self, and struggles to overtake us. These are the times in life when we feel beset by disappointment and a lack of fulfillment, when we cannot live peacefully in the face of frustrated aspirations and unfulfilled dreams.
According to Rav Huna, then, Yaakov’s struggle against the mysterious attacker represents the struggle that occurs within each and every one of us, between the person we are and the person we aspire to be. Ultimately, of course, the harsh realities of life force us to defeat the frustration and disappointment of unrealized ambition. But the confrontation nevertheless leave us “limping,” with an ongoing feeling of uneasiness as we resume our lives, ever cognizant of the goals and aspirations that we still wish to fulfill. We will, by necessity, always defeat that mysterious assailant within us, though not without a “limp,” the lingering feelings of disappointment that hopefully motivate us at every stage in our lives to work harder toward achieving our goals.