We read in Parashat Chayei-Sara of Avraham’s servant’s experiences at the well outside Aram Naharayim, where he had gone in search of a suitable bride for Rivka. Upon arriving at the well, the servant prays to the Almighty to ensure that the girl who offers to draw water for his camels, after he requests only water for himself, should be suitable for marrying Yitzchak. His prayers are answered, and Rivka, Avraham’s great-niece and a worthy match for Yitzchak, arrives and graciously offers water to the servant and his camels.
A careful reading of this narrative reveals a slight but perhaps significant discrepancy between the servant’s expectations and Rivka’s actual response. The servant envisioned a girl who would respond to his request for water by saying, “Drink, and I will give [water] for your camels to drink, as well” (24:14). This was not, however, Rivka’s response to the servant. Upon hearing his request for water, Rivka simply said, “Drink, my master” (24:18), and proceeded to give him water from her pitcher. It was only after he finished drinking that she then said, “I shall also draw for your camels, until they have drunk their fill” (24:19). Whereas the servant anticipated that the girl would immediately offer water for both himself and his camels, Rivka first agreed to give him water, and only then extended the offer to draw water for his camels.
What might be the significance of this distinction, between an immediate offer to draw water for the camels, and delaying that offer until after the servant finished drinking?
The servant, perhaps, anticipated a young woman bursting with enthusiastic generosity and a willingness to help others, a person who would instantaneously, almost by instinct, agree to draw water for both him and his camels. Her quality of kindness and desire to do favors would cause the words, “Drink, and I will give [water] for your camels to drink, as well” to roll from her lips the moment she hears of a foreigner who just arrived at the well after a long journey.
Rivka, however, was more patient and conservative in her kindness. She adopted a “first things first” approach, ensuring to first complete the more immediate, pressing need before setting her sights upon more ambitious goals. The servant asked her for a favor, and she responded by fulfilling his request. Only once that relatively simple, straightforward favor was complete did she proceed to the next level of drawing water for ten thirsty camels. First she did an ordinary favor, and only then did she proceed to the extraordinary favor.
Rivka’s conduct perhaps teaches the importance of careful calculation and patience even in the area of chesed. It is tempting for good, well-meaning people to respond on impulse to requests for help, or to situations where help is needed, and to offer extraordinary favors, making overambitious commitments before realizing all that is entailed.
Rivka shows us the example of making conservative, moderate commitments before proceeding to more ambitious undertakings. Chesed is often more effective and successful when conducted in a calculated, step-by-step manner, as opposed to a mindless, instinctive rush of goodwill, sincere as it may be. We should first “give water to the servant,” fulfilling the most basic, pressing needs of the people around us, before “drawing water for the camels” and making extraordinary, ambitious commitments.