Praying Opposite Rivka

   The Torah in Parashat Toledot (25:21) tells of Yitzchak’s prayer for children, describing Yitzchak as praying “le-nokhach ishto,” which the Rashbam and Radak interpret to mean “on behalf of his wife.” The Radak explains that Yitzchak’s prayers were on Rivka’s behalf in the sense that he wanted not only to have children, but to have children with Rivka, rather than having to marry another woman in order to reproduce.  Rashi, however, citing the Midrash (Bereishit Rabba 63:5), interprets this phrase as referring to Yitzchak’s position as he prayed, indicating that he prayed “opposite,” or facing, Rivka, who prayed at the opposite corner of the room.

The question arises as to the significance of this information, that Yitzchak made a point of praying facing Rivka.  Why is this important for the Torah to note?  The Radak, in discussing this interpretation of the phrase, suggests that Yitzchak prayed opposite Rivka “in order for his heart to concentrate on her,” implying that this was done to enhance his concentration while praying. 

            Alternatively, however, we can perhaps gain a clearer understanding of the Midrash’s interpretation in light of Midrashic accounts of other infertile women blaming their husbands for their inability to conceive.  Earlier, in Parashat Lekh-Lekha (16:5), we read of Sara’s angry words to Avraham regarding Hagar’s disrespectful treatment of her.  Rashi, citing the Midrash, explains that Sara’s anger actually related to her own infertility, as she accused Avraham of praying only that he should father a child, rather than praying that he and Sara should together have a child.  Hagar’s pregnancy aroused suspicions in Sara’s mind that Avraham’s prayer was focused solely on himself, and he was thus able to have a child from another woman.  Similarly, later, in Parashat Vayetze (30:1), we read of Rachel’s demand from Yaakov, “Give me children,” which Rashi explains as a demand that he pray on her behalf. Like Sara, Rachel suspected that her husband – who had children from another wife – had not prayed on her behalf.  Significantly, Rashi says that Rachel pointed to Rivka as the model which Yaakov should have followed: “Is this what your father did to your mother?  Did he not pray for her?”

            It seems reasonable to assume that these suspicions were incorrect, and were the result of the tension and frustration experienced by Sara and Rachel as a result of their infertility.  Presumably, Avraham and Yaakov prayed not only that they should bear children, but also on behalf of their wives.  It seems, however, that among the three patriarchs, only Yitzchak made it demonstratively clear that he prayed with his wife in mind.  Avraham and Yaakov, in all likelihood, also prayed on behalf of themselves and their wives, but only Yitzchak prayed “le-nokhach ishto,” in a manner that visibly demonstrated his concern for his wife.

            The lesson of “le-nokhach ishto” might be that we should endeavor to not only feel concern and empathy for other people, but also to outwardly express those feelings.  Simply caring is not enough; we must follow Yitzchak’s example of demonstratively caring, of displaying compassion in an unmistakably discernible fashion.  It is important to ensure that the people in our lives are aware of our concern, as opposed to keeping those feelings hidden and running the risk of them misinterpreting our reaction as cold and indifferent.

(See Rabbi Zvi Shiloni’s “It’s Not Enough to Just Care”)