Despite the tensions that raged between the two, Avraham made a point of referring to Lot as his “brother,” his relative. Even as he felt compelled to separate from his nephew due to the conflict that had arisen, he emphasized their kinship and the close ties that bound them to one another.
We read in Parashat Lekh-Lekha of the conflict that erupted between Avraham’s shepherds and those of his nephew, Lot. In response to the growing tensions, Avraham suggested to his nephew that they part ways, and no longer reside together. He said, “Let there not be a fight between me and you, or between my shepherds and your shepherds, for we are men who are brothers” (13:8).
The Tanchuma Yashan notes the significance of the fact that Avraham called Lot his “brother” in this context: “Look at the humility of Avraham Avinu! After the entire quarrel that they engaged in with him…Avraham Avinu did not mention the quarrel, but rather called Lot his brother.” Despite the tensions that raged between the two, Avraham made a point of referring to Lot as his “brother,” his relative. Even as he felt compelled to separate from his nephew due to the conflict that had arisen, he ensured to emphasize their kinship and the close ties that bound them to one another.
Chazal, as Rashi cites (in his commentary to 13:7), cast the blame for this incident squarely on Lot, who allowed his shepherds to graze on private property, over the objections of Avraham’s shepherds. And yet, even though Lot was to blame for the conflict, Avraham referred to him as his “brother.” Many people in this situation would allow the conflict and tension to overshadow, if not eliminate altogether, the close bonds of friendship or familial closeness between the two parties. Avraham knew that Lot acted improperly and bore responsibility for the unpleasant tensions, but he was wise and humble enough to focus on what bound them together, rather than on that which divided them.
Arguments between friends and family members are sometimes unavoidable. The lesson conveyed by the Tanchuma Yashan is the need to remember in these situations that “anashim achim anachnu,” that there is a strong and meaningful relationship between the two parties, and this must be the point of focus even – and especially – in moments of tension and conflict.