The Torah in Parashat Vayigash tells of Yaakov’s family’s relocation in Egypt. When they arrived, Yosef sought to ensure that Pharaoh would allow them to live in the region of Goshen. He specifically instructs his brothers that when they come before the Egyptian king, they should emphasize that they work as shepherds, so that Pharaoh would decide to put them in Goshen, “for all shepherds are abominable for Egypt” (46:34).
Several different explanations have been offered for why Yosef specifically wanted his brothers and father to reside in Goshen. The most common understanding, it seems, is that Yosef sought to lower the chances of the family’s assimilation. Perhaps sensing that the family, which would soon become a nation, would be remaining in Egypt for an extended period, Yosef saw to it that they would live separately from the main population centers in Egypt, in order to preserve their independent identity and lifestyle. Indeed, the Midrash Ha-gadol explicitly comments that Yosef wanted his family to live in Goshen “so that they would not mix with the Egyptians.”
Chizkuni, however, offers a much different – and somewhat surprising – explanation: “Yosef was concerned that if they [his brothers] would become noblemen in Pharaoh’s palace, they would demote him from his high stature, for on account of their jealousy over a striped tunic they sold him.” According to Chizkuni, Yosef wanted his brothers to live in isolation in order to prevent them from assuming positions of power in the Egyptian government. It seems that Yosef sensed his brothers’ talents and ability to assert authority. He feared that if they would begin to rise through the Egyptian political hierarchy, the flames of fraternal jealousy would be reignited, and they would, once again, conspire against him.
Chizkuni’s comments are jarring, and seemingly inconsonant with the festive tone of Parashat Vayigash. The family’s descent to Egypt appears to have ushered in a new period of reconciliation and trust, with the feelings of envy and resentment left far behind in the pastures outside Shekhem where Yosef was sold as a slave. According to Chizkuni, however, Yosef’s strategizing to have his brothers sent to Goshen casts a disquieting dark shadow upon this otherwise encouraging and upbeat phase in the family’s history. Although the family was reunited, tensions and mistrust remained. Yosef was still – understandably – unable to erase past events from memory. The suffering he endured as a result of his brothers’ jealousy left a certain barrier, which precluded the possibility of their cooperation in Pharaoh’s government. Yosef was still wary and suspicious. Even as he reunited with his brothers, he could not work closely with them. He could not expose himself to the risk of once again sparking their jealousy.
Yosef’s ongoing suspicion, as noted by Chizkuni, perhaps conveys a number of different lessons concerning conflicts among family members and friends. Most obviously, the persistent sense of mistrust, despite the festive reunification of the family, should serve as a warning of the often permanent effects of conflict. Emotional bruises do not always heal completely, and they very often leave permanent scars. Even after formal reconciliation, the relationship cannot always be restored to what it ways before the fight. This prospect should serve as an effective deterrent to unnecessary quarreling, and a strong impetus to avoid avoidable conflicts.
Additionally, Yosef’s conduct perhaps teaches the importance of realistic expectations in mending strained relationships. Others in Yosef’s position may have been too caught up in the excitement of the family’s reunion to foresee the potential risks of a too-close relationship. Now that the family has come back together, after the brothers’ violent mistreatment of Yosef and the years of separation, we may have expected Yosef to pursue as close a relationship as he could with his brothers. But Yosef knew better, and his keen sense of pragmatism prevailed over his fantasies of a perfect family dynamic. A flawless relationship of trust and fraternal love would have provided a fairytale ending to the unfortunate, disturbing story of Yosef and his brothers. But this was not realistic. Yosef perceptively understood that in this situation, a distant friendship had far better chances of succeeding than a tight, close-knit fraternal relationship. Strained relationships among friends and family members can usually be repaired, but not always can they be made flawless. The story of Yosef and his brothers ended on a happy note, but not on a perfect note, demonstrating that success does not depend upon perfection, particularly when dealing with the fragile area of restoring damaged relationships.