So often, the cause of hatred is not differences of opinion, or even gravely misguided words and actions, but rather the unfounded assumptions that quarreling parties make about one another.
The Torah tells in Parashat Vayeshev that when Yosef approached his brothers in Dotan, they saw him and immediately “va-yitnakelu oto la-hamito” (37:18). This phrase is commonly translated as, “they conspired against him to kill him,” or “they plotted against him…” Seforno, however, contends that the verb “n.k.l..” means not to plot or conspire, but rather to cast allegations. He explains that as Yosef approached to do his father’s bidding of checking if the brothers were well (“lekh na re’ei at shelom achekha” – 37:14), the brothers jumped to the conclusion that he was coming to spy on them, to find something wrong in their behavior which he could then report to Yaakov. According to Seforno, “va-yitnakelu oto la-hamito” means that the brothers attributed to Yosef the intent to find a basis for discrediting them and ultimately “killing” them (“la-hamito”).
Netziv, in Ha’amek Davar, embraces Seforno’s interpretation, but notes the difficult reading of the word “la-hamito” that Seforno was compelled to propose to accommodate his approach to the verse. Netziv therefore suggests reading this phrase to mean that the brothers impugned Yosef’s motives to such an extent that they decided to kill him (“va-yitnakelu oto” to the point where they decided “la-hamito”).
Seforno and Netziv’s reading of this verse adds an especially tragic dimension to this already tragic episode. The unfortunate incident of mekhirat Yosef could have been avoided if the brothers would have waited just a few moments before conclusively determining the nature and purpose of Yosef’s unexpected visit. Had they waited, they would have, in all likelihood, recognized that he had come for the sincere and innocent purpose of checking on their wellbeing as Yaakov had asked. But instead, they made up their mind that Yosef had come to stoke the simmering coals of hostility and further his alleged campaign to discredit them. This most tragic chapter would never have been written if the brothers would have exercised more patience before deciding what was going on in Yosef’s mind.
So often, the cause of hatred is not differences of opinion, or even gravely misguided words and actions, but rather the unfounded assumptions that quarreling parties make about one another. The mistake of “va-yitnakelu” – of unnecessarily impugning the sincerity or innocence of others – has caused the tragic breakdown of many relationships since mekhirat Yosef. We must learn from this sorrowful episode to avoid reaching hasty conclusions about the motives of those who disagree with us, or those who acted or spoke in a manner we find distasteful. It’s not necessarily personal or intended as an insult. Sometimes – perhaps even most of the time – the other party is actually sincere, or made an innocent mistake, or even a not-so-innocent mistake that he or she will later regret. The lesson we are to learn from mekhirat Yosef, at least according to Seforno and Netziv, is the vital importance of patience and an open mind in dealing with other people, and of avoiding rash assumptions about other people’s thoughts and motives.