We read in Parashat Vayera of Avraham’s petition on behalf of the sinful city of Sedom. He begins his prayer by acknowledging his lowly stature with respect to God, declaring, “Ve-anokhi afar va-eifer” – “I am but dirt and ash” (18:27). The Gemara in Masekhet Chulin (88b) famously comments that Avraham was rewarded for this expression of humility in the form of two special mitzvot with which his descendants were commanded: the dirt used in preparing the sota waters, and the ashes used in preparing the para aduma waters. Many different explanations have been suggested throughout the ages for the relevance between these two mitzvot and Avraham’s referring to himself as “dirt and ashes.”
We might suggest that the Gemara here seeks to emphasize the importance of humility in pursuing the goals underlying the rituals of para aduma and sota. The waters of the para aduma, of course, serve to divest a person of his status of tum’a, so that he can once again enter the area of the Beit Ha-mikdash. A precondition for entering the sacred domain of the Shekhina is the feeling of “anokhi afar va-eifer.” The Shekhina’s presence cannot coexist with arrogance; a person’s recognition of God’s presence in the world requires that he fully understand the human being’s insignificance in relation to the Creator. Any attempt to experience the Shekhina, to develop a relationship with God, without this sense is, by definition, impossible, for experiencing the Shekhina means understanding the infinite greatness of God, in contrast to the frailty and smallness of the human being.
This sense of humility is also a necessary component of the second mitzva mentioned by the Gemara, the sota ritual, which serves to affirm the innocence of a wife suspected of infidelity. The Sages speak of this mitzva as intended to ensure shalom bayit, peaceful relations between husband and wife, by dispelling the husband’s suspicions. This ideal, too, requires a sense of “anokhi afar va-eifer,” that each spouse, to one extent or another, reduce his or her feeling of self-importance. For harmony and peaceful relations to prevail, each member of the relationship must take the other’s needs and concerns into consideration, even at the expense of his or her own needs and concerns. They must both lower their sense of self-importance to allow room for mutual sensitivity and consideration.
Thus, our relationships with both the Almighty and our fellow human beings require a certain degree of “anokhi afar va-eifer,” that we ensure not to afford ourselves too much importance, so that we can show respect and deference to God and to other people.