Yosef and Honoring Parents

  The Torah relates in Parashat Vayigash that as Yaakov arrived in Egypt to reunite with Yosef, Yosef harnessed his chariot and went to greet his father.  Rashi takes note of the fact that Yosef – who was the Egyptian vizier and undoubtedly could have assigned a servant to perform the menial task of harnessing his chariot – personally prepared his chariot for the trip: “He himself harnessed the horses to the chariot, in order to rush to honor his father.” Yosef’s personal involvement in the more menial aspects of this trip testifies to the energy and zeal he invested in preparing to welcome his father in an honorable fashion.

            Rashi makes similar comments in other contexts, as well, such as regarding Avraham’s journey to Moriah for akeidat Yitzchak (Bereishit 22:3) and Bilam’s eager preparations for his trip to curse Benei Yisrael (Bamidbar 22:21).  One context in which we find a similar remark by Rashi, and which might bear special relevance to Yosef’s preparation to greet his father, is Yosef’s fateful trip to Shekhem to check on his brothers.  As we read in Parashat Vayeshev, Yaakov summoned Yosef and asked him to travel to Shekhem where his brothers were tending to Yaakov’s flocks.  Yosef responded, “Hineini” (37:13), and Rashi explains this response as “an expression of humility and zeal; he hurried to obey his father’s command despite knowing how his brothers despised him.”  Yosef eagerly rushed to fulfill his father’s command to travel to Shekhem, and now, twenty-two years earlier, he rushed to show his father honor by greeting him upon his arrival in Egypt.

            Honoring parents entails two basic components – fulfilling their wishes, and generally displaying respect.  The two contexts in which Rashi observes Yosef’s zeal involve these two different aspects of the mitzva of kibbud av va-eim.  In Parashat Vayeshev, Yosef rushes to fulfill his father’s request, and here in Parashat Vayigash, he rushes to display what we might call sentimental honor, not obeying any specific command or request, but demonstrating affection and respect.  Rashi comments on both, because both are vital elements of this mitzva, and of interpersonal relationships generally.  Sometimes, people ensure to meet their technical responsibilities, but fail to express respect sentimentally, through kind, warm gestures that express affection in a way that merely doing “chores” cannot.  Conversely, there are those who feel they satisfy their obligations to the people around them through sentimentality and warmth, but are unwilling to inconvenience themselves or make sacrifices for the sake of meeting other people’s needs and fulfilling their wishes.  Rashi’s comments perhaps instruct that our responsibilities toward family and friends, and other people generally, include both areas – going through the trouble to fulfill specific wishes, as well as general expressions of warmth and affection.