Yehuda was mature enough to recognize that he must treat Yaakov as his father even if Yaakov did not, at least in his mind, treat him like a son.
Parashat Vayigash begins with Yehuda’s impassioned plea to the Egyptian vizier, who was actually Yosef, to permit Binyamin to return home to his father, despite the fact that the royal goblet was found in Binyamin’s sack. Yehuda offered to remain in Egypt as a slave in Binyamin’s place, expressing concern over his elderly father, who would die if Binyamin did not return.
The word “avi” – “my father” – appears seven times in Yehuda’s speech to Yosef, as he recounts Yaakov’s initial reluctance to allow Binyamin to go to Egypt, and the consequences of Binyamin’s not returning. This repeated emphasis on Yehuda’s relationship to Yaakov becomes significant in light of the fact that Yaakov, for his part, never used the word “beni” – “my son” – in reference to his children, except in reference to Yosef (37:33,35) and Binyamin (42:38). Moreover, in Yehuda’s plea, he recalls Yaakov saying to his sons, “You know that my wife bore me two sons; one of them [Yosef] left me…and I have not seen him until now. And if you will take this one [Binyamin] from me and catastrophe will befall him…” (44:29). Although we do not find Yaakov actually saying these words, they reveal that in Yehuda’s mind, Yaakov considered only Rachel as his real wife, and thus only Yosef and Binyamin were his real children. This undoubtedly aroused very hard feelings within Yehuda (and the other brothers), and yet, Yehuda now stood prepared to commit himself to a live of slavery on behalf of Binyamin, and in his plea repeatedly referred to Yaakov as “my father.” Although he did not feel that Yaakov regarded him as a son, Yehuda nevertheless maintained his commitment to respect Yaakov as a father. (This observation was made by Rav Amnon Bazak.)
There is much to learn from Yehuda’s conduct in this regard about the need to act properly even when we justifiably feel we have been wronged. Chazal noted Yaakov’s mistake in showing preferential treatment to Yosef (Shabbat 10b), but Yehuda, despite being directly affected by this mistake, and after making his own tragic mistake – that of mekhirat Yosef – eventually realized the need to overcome hard feelings and resentment, and to do the right thing even if the people around him hadn’t. Yehuda was mature enough to recognize that he must treat Yaakov as his father even if Yaakov did not, at least in his mind, treat him like a son. We should not make our treatment of others dependent upon what we feel they deserve or do not deserve. Instead, we must decide upon the wise and appropriate course of action, and leave the judgment to the one true Judge over the world.