Not every dilemma has an immediate solution, and in such situations patience and inaction are far preferable to reckless patchwork that could possibly worsen the problem.
The beginning of Parashat Vayeshev tells of the feelings of envy and resentment that Yosef’s brothers harbored toward him. Among the surprising elements of this narrative is the silence and passivity of their father, Yaakov, with regard to these brewing tensions. True, after Yosef relates his dreams of leadership to his brothers, Yaakov censures him – “What is this dream that you dreamt? Is it possible that I, your mother and your brothers will come to bow to you on the ground?” (37:10). Immediately thereafter, however, the Torah appears to emphasize Yaakov’s non-involvement in this affair: “His brothers envied him, and his father kept the matter in mind” (37:11). As the brothers’ ill-will continued to brew and boil inside them, Yaakov merely “kept the matter in mind.”
Yaakov’s inaction in this context brings to mind his similarly surprising responses to earlier family crises. Upon hearing of Dina’s abduction by Shekhem, Yaakov “was silent” (“ve-hecherish”) until his brothers returned from the fields (34:5). And the Torah concludes its brief account of Reuven’s sin with Bilha by noting, “Va-yishma Yisrael” (“Israel heard” – 35:22), emphasizing that Yaakov merely “heard” of the incident, without responding.
At first glance, we might interpret these instances of inaction as a developing pattern of passivity and ineffective family leadership on Yaakov’s part. Our initial impression is perhaps to note the decline in Yaakov’s authority over his household, as evidenced by the absence of any effective response to the internal crises that surface in his family.
However, the Rosh Yeshiva, HaRav Aharon Lichtenstein shelit”a (as summarized by a student at www.vbm-torah.org/archive/sichot/bereishit/09-60vayesh.htm), suggested that to the contrary, Yaakov’s passive responses in these incidents signify his greatness, rather than frailty, and in fact convey an important practical lesson:
Precisely that deafening silence which we find in these parshiyot is the great message which Yaakov is conveying to us… Yaakov knows that sometimes it is necessary to keep quiet and restrain oneself – because any reaction will cause division and even more serious danger.
Not every difficult circumstance warrants a response; sometimes, an undesirable situation is to be preferred over far less desirable alternatives. As Yaakov himself tells Shimon and Levi after their bloody assault on Shekhem (34:30), although their response may have succeeded in avenging the family’s honor, it had the severe consequence of arousing the ire and hostility of the surrounding peoples. In the case of Reuven, Rav Lichtenstein noted, Yaakov perhaps feared that condemning Reuven’s crime would cause him to leave the family altogether. We might add that the Midrash Sekhel Tov (cited in Torah Sheleima, chapter 35, note 96) indeed applauds Yaakov’s silence in the face of Reuven’s offense: “He heard what Reuven did, [but] he restrained his anger and did not curse him or his offspring, as Noach did [in response to his son’s crime], teaching that ‘there is an advantage to the wise person over the fool’ (in contrast to Kohelet 6:8).” The Midrash thus views Yaakov’s silence in this instance as a sign of strength and wisdom, rather than of weakness.
In the case of Yosef and his brothers, too, Yaakov likely felt that intervening would only intensify the tension among the brothers. He stood back not out of helpless resignation, but due to the reasonable suspicion that as grave as the situation was, it behooved him to ensure not to make things worse.
This insight bears relevance in several different areas. Firstly, it instructs that not every dilemma has an immediate solution, and in such situations patience and inaction are far preferable to reckless patchwork that could possibly worsen the problem. This message is particularly relevant to the individual responsible for the situation. As Rav Lichtenstein commented, Yaakov bore a degree of accountability for the hostilities among his sons, which arose from the preferential treatment he afforded to Yosef. Often, a person who realizes his accountability will take rash, frantic and uncalculated measures to try and rectify the situation and thereby earn a degree of absolution. Yaakov teaches that even in such situations, careful consideration must be given to the possibility that these attempts will make matters worse.
Finally, Yaakov’s silence instructs that unhelpful words are sometimes not only unhelpful, but harmful. As Rav Lichteinstein remarked:
Very often it is difficult for a person to control himself and keep silent… But sometimes an unnecessary word is simply harmful. Therefore, sometimes it is important, despite the pain involved, to know how to strangle the shout before it escapes, to understand that silence will contribute more…
Indeed, silence and inaction are often signs of profound wisdom, rather than helplessness and frailty.