Lavan assumed – wrongly – that Yaakov would be gratified to hear the oracle’s proclamation that he possesses some magical power that brought blessing to Lavan’s flocks. Yaakov had a healthy enough self-esteem to be able to disregard Lavan’s shallow compliment.
We read in Parashat Vayetze that after Yaakov completed his fourteen years of service to his uncle and father-in-law, Lavan, which he owed in exchange for his two daughters’ hands in marriage, he expressed his desire to return to Canaan. Lavan, however, begged Yaakov to remain and continue working for him: “If only I have found favor in your eyes – I have a superstitious idea that the Lord has blessed me on your account” (30:27). As a number of commentators explain, Lavan determined through his oracles that it was because of the presence of Yaakov, a righteous man, that his enterprises succeeded over the last fourteen years. He therefore implored Yaakov to remain so he can continue to reap the benefits of his presence.
The next verse reads, “He said: Set your wage for me, and I shall give it.” Significantly, this verse begins with the word “va-yomar” (“He said”), clearly indicating that this is a new statement, and not the continuation of Lavan’s remarks from the previous verse. As Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch notes, it appears that Lavan’s initial endeavor to persuade Yaakov to stay did not succeed. After begging Yaakov to remain on account of the blessing he brought to his herds, Yaakov remained silent and steadfast in his desire to leave. Lavan was therefore compelled to make an attractive offer – “Set your wage for me, and I will give it.” Indeed, Yaakov then responds and recommends an arrangement for compensation, which Lavan accepts.
Rav Hirsch elaborates on Lavan’s initial attempt to persuade Yaakov. He suggests that Lavan wanted to retain Yaakov’s service only for his mere keep, without paying a salary (just as Yaakov had worked for fourteen years without a salary, simply to earn the right to marry his daughters).
Lavan sought to win Yaakov’s consent to this unfair arrangement by attributing his success to the “magical” effect of Yaakov’s presence. He made this claim, Rav Hirsch explains, for two reasons. First, it absolved him from having to acknowledge Yaakov’s devoted service and hard work. He told Yaakov that he brought him success simply by being there – the implication being that Lavan is willing to keep Yaakov there, but not pay him anything more.
Additionally, Lavan hoped to win Yaakov’s service through flattery. He assumed – wrongly – that Yaakov would be gratified to hear the oracle’s proclamation that he possesses some magical power that brought blessing to Lavan’s flocks. This gratification would be enough for Yaakov to agree to remain, even without receiving a reasonable salary. But Yaakov was not moved, and it was only after Lavan offered material compensation, instead of flattering compliments, that he considered staying on as Lavan’s shepherd.
Lavan’s wily attempt to win Yaakov’s favor reminds us of the strong psychological effects of flattery. Desperate as we are for a feeling of self-worth, we are very vulnerable to this power of insincere compliments. Many people are prepared to sacrifice a lot for words such those spoken by Lavan, to hear that they are important and to feel admired and revered. Yaakov had a healthy enough self-esteem to be able to disregard Lavan’s shallow compliment. His rejection of Lavan’s offer is instructive in alerting us to beware of the destructive effects of flattery, and not to sacrifice our own interests in exchange for complimentary words that give us a misleading sense of importance.