The story of Rivka’s selection as a bride for Yitzchak begins an unmistakable pattern of marriage partners being found and/or chosen specifically at the site of a well. Later in Sefer Bereishit (29) we read of Yaakov’s arrival at the well outside Charan, where he meets Rachel, whom he eventually marries. The third instance is Moshe’s encounter at the well in Midyan, where he rescues Yitro’s daughters from hostile local shepherds. Later, of course, he would marry one of the women he had rescued (Shemot 2).
On the simple level of interpretation, we might explain that Biblical figures met their future spouses at the well because the well was a natural place for people to meet. Every community had a single well from which its residents drew all their water, which necessitated daily trips to this central location, naturally facilitating social interaction.
Chazal, however, appear to have afforded far greater significance to these meetings at the wells. Commenting on Moshe’s arrival at the well in Midyan when he escaped from Egypt, the Midrash (Shemot Rabba 1:37) writes, “Three people had their matches emerge from the [site of a] well – Yitzchak, Yaakov and Moshe.” It stands to reason that the Sages here did not make this comment to state the obvious. We may assume that they alluded to the deeper significance of the well as a site where matches are made.
We can easily imagine how the scene at the well in ancient times would often be fraught with tension and conflict, as the townspeople crowded around to try and secure a share of the limited water supply and bring it to their families and animals as quickly as possible. In truth, we don’t need to imagine; this tension is felt from reading the experiences of Rivka, Yaakov and Moshe. In Rivka’s case, as she stands at the well drawing water for her family, she is approached by a weary, thirsty traveler who asks for some of the water that she had drawn. She graciously and patiently takes the time to draw water for him and his ten camels. And when Yaakov arrives at the well outside Charan, he learns that a large, heavy stone was kept over the well and could be moved only when all the local shepherds assemble to give their flocks water. Rav Shimshon Rafael Hirsch explains that this protocol reflected the prevailing sense of mistrust among the townspeople, requiring them to keep the well “locked” so nobody would take more than his rightful share of the precious water. In Midyan, Moshe witnesses a group of ruthless shepherds forcing their way to the “front of the line” at the well by chasing away Yitro’s defenseless daughters. In all three instances, we sense the difficult tensions that naturally arose around the well, as local residents, herdsmen and travelers all vied for precedence.
And in all three instances, the match was made as the result, or partially as the result, of an impressive display of consideration and concern. Most obviously, Rivka was chosen as Yitzchak’s bride because of her gracious assistance to Avraham’s servant, giving him water and drawing for all his camels. Yaakov, seeing Rachel, singlehandedly opened the well and drew water for her flocks, perhaps sensing that as a woman among male shepherds she was at a disadvantage in her quest for water for her sheep, and he eventually married her. And Moshe, of course, came to the assistance of Yitro’s daughters so they could safely exercise their rights to draw from the well, after which Yitro invited Moshe “to eat bread” (Shemot 2:20), which Chazal (cited by Rashi) interpreted as a euphemism for marriage.
The well signifies the need for patience, courteousness and consideration in sharing limited available resources, as manifest in the incidents of Rivka, Yaakov and Moshe. By noting this association between the well and finding a marriage, Chazal perhaps sought to draw our attention to the fact that marriage is very much a “well,” a situation of people sharing their resources of time and assets and who must show mutual consideration for the arrangement to succeed. Chazal teach that one finds a spouse – we achieve peaceful relations with those around us – by following the examples of Rivka, Yaakov and Moshe, who displayed a commitment to equitable sharing and consideration for the needs of others. In family and communal life, we cannot approach the “well” to “draw water” only for ourselves; we must be ever cognizant of the need to share the available resources with everybody else.